Revenge of the...dorks?

I have come to an important conclusion this week: there is a distinction between nerds, dorks, and geeks. Nerds - you know them, glasses wearing, npr listening, and most likely, Brooklyn residing.

A Dork is a terrible, terrible dresser, an office sports league participator, and always an awkward voicemail leaver.

A Geek, which unfortunately I don't run across that much because I think they're pretty cute..., is a constant laptop carrier, a Battlestar Galactica watcher, and usually, surprisingly, a hard liquor drinker (whiskey? Bourbon?)

Yes, this are subjective. But lets be honest, you know I'm at least half right.

This came to my attention this week because I went on a date with a dork. Hard core dork. The weird thing is, even in his dorkiness, he is more smooth than some of the less dorky guys I've encountered: for one - he doesn't text, he calls. YIKES! Not sure how I feel about this actual verbal communication... We have another date on Thursday so we'll see what happens...

Weddings: Best Pickup Spot of the Summer?

Elaine* recently met her new lovah (yes, I'm calling you out Elaine*, but at least I'm not calling him your boyfriend) at her college roommate's wedding in June. They met the night of the rehersal dinner, hung out all weekend and the following week while she was still back in our hometown where he lives, and now they lovey-dovey talk every night.

She is not the first to meet a lovah, or boyfriend for that matter, at a wedding. What's up with this? Is it because everyone is happy and thinking about love at weddings? One would think that some guys would be scared and thinking about, to use a Tolkienian phrase, "the end of all things." But it seems not. So, WTF, friends. When is the first wedding?? As of now, I don't have one on the calendar until 2011. And by then I will already be old and ready to buy cats, get an apartment in Chinatown, and call it a day. So let's get this ball rolling.

To Tweet or Not to Tweet, That is the Question

I'm not on twitter, yo. Although I've moved from hating on it to simply being scared of it, perchance I shall join soon. I'm scared that once I put myself on there and start saying things like, "Hey, I just ate a footlong subway sandwich. It had too many banana peppers," people will stop taking me seriously. When do we reach the point of too many updates?

On another note, I saw a really cute guy in the elevator of my building today. I have decided the elevator is a perfectly good place to talk to strangers because you can say things like, "Great weather. Well, have a nice day," therefore laying the flirting ground work and taking note of what floor they work on in order to secretly stalk them. Although the cute guy I saw today was wearing Dockers. I think Dockers are only for children under 9 years old or senior citizens.

Oh yeah, that

I was just looking down at some old posts and realized I forgot to follow up on the date my friend Billie* was trying to set me up on. I told this guy, Chad*, I would be out of town for 3 weekends and apparently he couldn't go out during the week. So, we'd have to wait to go out for awhile -- old school courting style.

I texted him when I got back from my trip and we should grab a drink. No response. So I decided, what the hell, I'll text again, this is Billie's friend. I finally recieve a text saying this: "Hi, sorry for the late response. I'd really love to go out with you, but it turns out I'm seeing someone else."

It turns out?? Like, he just discovered it? I didn't even have a chance to reject this guy because it 'turns out' he was seeing someone. Great.

Dating.com

I'm just going to be honest here. When I said I got off okcupid, like, 3 months ago, I lied. I was only shamed by the fact that I was not receiving as many messages as my friends who were on there, and therefore wanted to save face. And to my credit, many friends agreed that my humor does not translate well online (saying things like 'ever had lice?' really requires hearing one's voice intonation). But after my sister ending up meeting a pseudo-boyfriend on okcupid, I decided perhaps it was time to through my skepticism and bitterness to the wind and put myself out there, or on there, as it were.

So I have been responding to the messages I get now -- NOT sending any messages off right. Lets get that one thing clear -- I'm not that ballsy. Long story short, I have a date this Saturday! From his description my co-worker and I have decided he is the "nerdy athletic type." You know what I mean: glasses, bad shoes, always wearing some sports apparel t-shirt, and some brand of bad jeans, oh, and usually a bowl cut. But, its a date and I'm going to give it a shot. Hopefully he is actually 24 and not 42. And we are going to meet in a public place. And if I know his type, he is definitely not going to order a pomegrante martini.

Hola!

Happy Summer! After a long reprieve, I'm back. This does not mean I have picked up a boyfriend or anything as crazy as that - puh lease. However, I did move! Quiet a production. I have moved up in the world. I'm in a doorman/elevator building. My doorman's name is Jose, my super's name is Jose, and then the other two guys that work in the building are named Marco. Either this is a very strange coincidence or they are lying to me because they think I'm a silly gringa.

Anyways, thank goodness for summer - but not this rain! It has literally (according to weather.com) rained in New York every day in June except for 4 delightfully days. Regardless, its warm and people are out and about. Including me.

A couple Saturday mornings ago I was idling on Broadway in front of Dean and Deluca, aimlessly waiting for a friend, when all of a sudden I look up and see Vig Bar Boy walking towards me with a girl on his arm! I immediately looked down and pretending to be texting someone. After they crossed and were walking west I attempted to follow them like a crazy person and I think I saw them walk in the Apple store. Totally a couple thing to do...

"It could have been his sister..." I told my friend D. Her look told me no one's sister walks arm and arm with them on a Saturday morning to the Apple store.

Needless to say I have still received numerous 2 am texts from Vig Bar Boy within the past few weeks, none of which have come to any fruition. Not his sister? Or maybe he is an ass. Maybe if he would ever ask me on a G.D. date I would change my mind about that.

I also lied awhile back when I said I got off OkCupid. I didn't. I'm still on it. My sister actually met this guy she ended up liking off OkCupid, so I have decided to give it another go. "Giving it another go" meaning responding to the 3 messages in my inbox and updating my picture. Honestly, I think I'm just not good online. Some people's humor seems to translate very well through their profiles (maybe I checked out a couple girl's profiles too for research on this area) and mine is totally vanilla feeling.

My friend at work also told me today she has a high school friend that runs the Genius Bar at the Apple store. I don't know how I feel about this but the first blind-ish date I ever went on was in college and was with a guy that worked at the Apple store. Maybe it's fate.

If apartment searching is to dating...

Andi*, Elaine*, and I have been searching for an apartment for about a month and a half now. We currently live over a hamburger restaurant that plays loud Fleetwood Mac and Coldplay until 4 am. You understand our predicament.

This past weekend Elaine and I looked at 4 apartments in the span of 3 hours. After this, we decided we had to come home and write down everything we had seen, if only to make sure we weren't overlapping (the craigslist postings "convertible 2 bdrm awesome deal!!!!!!!! 7th/B," was starting to sound a lot like the "3 bedroom awesome deal!!!!!!!!! 7th/B").

When it came to apartments, we had become like druggies that always know where to score. Someone would say, "I looked at this apartment on 6th and 1st Ave..."

"Oh, small kitchen, big bathroom, faces the street?" we would all say. "Yeah, we know that one."

We felt we knew almost every apartment listed, but still hadn't found something we like. Elaine and I wrote down everything we had looked at: 18 apartments in the span of a month (counting the apartment we almost thought we got, but then was so ruthlessly ripped from our fingertips when our management company forced us to stay in our apartment an extra month).

"18 apartments!!" I said in shock at seeing 'our list.' It was at this moment I realized apartment hunting in New York is much like dating. You have to look and look, and look some more to find something you are going to make a big investment in, something you are going to spend a lot of time with. Occasionally you have to rely on other people/websites to help you out with this search. When it comes to sealing the deal, with an apartment it is a security deposit, with dating (and this is so cheesy I can't believe I'm saying it), its your heart! And just to put this out there, unlike security deposits, you DO NOT get that back when the relationship is over.

Elaine told me I was depressing her when I started making statements like, "what do you think breaking you lease signifies?" and "do you think its bad I've moved like three times in the past 1.5 years?"

Regardless, this is an interesting analogy to consider....

"How Meeting a Cute Nerdy Guy Works"

I really like NPR podcasts.  This American Life, Stuff You Should Know, Savage Love, etc... all my favorites.  Because I listen to a lot of these radio shows on my ipod, I tend to say things like this a lot: "Did you know there are 41 types of deja vu?  I listened to a Stuff You Should Know about them this morning;" or, "On This American Life week this woman told a story about how she had to sell all her furniture and sleep on an air mattress in her apartment because of bed bugs."

My co-workers know to expect a factoid pretty much every morning because I listen to podcasts on the way to work.  But over lunch today I started in with, "So today on the way to work I was listening to 'How Cannibalism Works' and --

"Do you do this on dates?" one of my co-workers asked, following up with a 'How Hypo-allergenic Cats Work' imitation -- their favorite.

"Yeah, probably not a good idea," the other laughed.

"I uhh, only on the bad dates!!" I said, trying to wrack my brain, knowing that I had probably done some sort of factoid on pretty much every date I'd been on.

"You know what though, your nerdy ideal guy would be totally into it.  In fact, I bet he would bring up NPR first!  Don't let us stop your game," my co-worker said.

"Very true.  My nerdy future boyfriend totally loves Stuff You Should Know."   Visions of us listening to the radio together danced in my head.

"You might want to start picking up guys at the library, then," my other co-worker laughed, shaking her head.  

Brilliant idea!  Why had I not thought of this before, I wondered.  To the library as fast as possible.  I already have my card...

ambiguity

take from this what you will because it is all I'm going to say on the matter: silence, in an inopportune time, can be deadly. I learned this lesson Friday.

Don't be creepy

My good friend Billie* asked if she could set me on a date with a friend from her jui jitsu class. Not having been on a blind date in over a couple months and making a conceited effort to come fully out of my hibernated state, I clearly said yes (this was after taking into consideration that I met her other jiu jitsu friends one night at a party and one of them was under 5''3' and the other was wearing a blue wind suit).

I digress. A couple days after I agreed to this date I get an email from Billie* at work simply saying, "would you still go out with him?" with a picture attached of this guy, Chad*. I emailed her back and said yeah sure, hes cute (which he was), and thought in the back of my mind that her emailing me a picture of him was a bit weird. This past weekend I brought it up in front of our other friends. "Don't you think its weird to send a picture of someone you're being set up with?" I postulated to our friends.

"Yeah, thats kind of creepy, like just unnecessary maybe," a friend said.

"Wait, did you send him mine too??!!" I asked.

"Yeah, of course, why not?" Billie said.

"That is so weird! Now its not a blind date! Wait, what picture did you send?"

"Uh, I don't remember..."

This went on and on. Chad* called the next day while I was watching I Love You, Man with my sister and then I sorta, kinda forgot to call him back until last night. Or I just kind of avoided the call. I'm not sure why.

Anyways, I called him back last night and although I shut my door, Elaine* and Andi* sat in the living room and listened to my conversation just like my mom used to do in 6th grade. As it turns out, Chad* is a nice guy (over the phone at least). Although he did say, 'Billie said you were trying to go on lots of blind dates which I thought was kind of weird, but from your picture and what she says about you, I really would like to take you out!' I visualized kicking Billie in the shins right...then.

We tried to pick a night to go out and as most New Yorkers discover, everyone is always tooooooo busy. He could only really do weekends and I have my weekends booked until the second weekend in May. (Yes, I am that popular). Ordinarily, that would be a really good excuse for me to come up with, but its actually the truth. I told him I could also never do Wednesdays because I have a class. He asked what kind. For some reason I felt this was a perfect opportunity to be witty and hilarious, so I started to make up some silly something like, "A dinosaur study..." and just as the joke was loosing steam (mainly because it had none to begin with -- on Wednesdays I take a writing class, WTF?? no dinosaurs), Elaine* poked her head in my room and mouthed, "Don't be creepy!"

Touche. Chad* and I have yet to set a date....as in... our first date. But I don't think it was the creepy jokes, simply the clashing schedules that slowed us down.

Trader Joe's

I went to Trader Joe's tonight. I have come to the conclusion that not only do they have the best deals in town (and free delicious treats!!), they also have the most attractive male employees of any supermarket. I can't speak for the Brooklyn one, but I definitely saw some potential in Union Square tonight. I thought I had a moment with the guy at my check-out counter, until I realized the raffle he was telling me about was for everyone, not just a special little deal between us.

Bottom line, ladies, the 30 min express line is worth the wait.

Steve Harvey...seriously??!!!

Steve Harvey is giving dating advice. Seriously. I thought He's Just Not That Into You was bad, but this book, How to Act Like a Lady, has taken things to a whole new level of disatrous men-giving-women-advice-on-dating.

I do have to say, I laughed out loud at this article. Mostly about Oprah's stupid questions. But also when Steve Harvey says men don't care about women's hopes and dreams; they come up to us with an agenda. Touche, Steve Harvey, touche.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/03/23/o.steve.harvey.love.advice/index.html?eref=rss_latest

Happy First Day of Spring!

I went to Vig Bar on Friday night. I did not see Vig Bar boy because, as it turns out, he was out of town this weekend. He was in Florida. My friend convinced me to text him, "How soon can you get back?" Whaaaaaaaaaaat?? Bad choice. And no response. Our timing is off. I think this is a sign.

So to make up for this loss, I ended up running up a $50 bar tab and dancing with a nerdier than Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting look-a-like for most of the night. And then closer to 3 am I remember talking to a guy that lived in Jersey City, NJ. That is when I knew it was time to come home -- when it comes to NJ, just say no. I came home and went in Elaine's* room and turned on her light - just to be friendly and say hello (I think...this part is hazy).

My punishment for such a night was absolute death on Saturday and physcially having to miss two very fun parties Saturday night, staying in and watching Law and Order and drinking G2 (the low cal gateroade) instead.

I started the spring off with a bang. Hope everyone else did as well! Now lets just get the warm weather here.

Don't settle

I was lucky enough to see all my college friends this past weekend. I had a conversation recently with Elaine* about how in our respective groups of college friends, we are the only single ones. This is when I use the excuse ‘I live in New York – dating is tough here,’ even though that kinda depresses me because in college I used similar rational for not having a boyfriend that ‘the ratio of girls to guys at this school is really bad – dating is tough here.’

Anyways, while it is easy to get discouraged about not having a boyfriend when everyone else does, spending time around all my best friends and their great boyfriends makes me remember I don’t want to settle for some loser boyfriend when I can have a potentially great guy like one of them. I try to remember this when I think maybe getting back together with my ex would be a convenient and interesting idea. I told my co-worker this and he told me I was too young to move backwards. Well said.

On an interesting note, I received a text from Vig Bar boy on Saturday night saying, “word on the street was” I was at Vig Bar. I have not seen this guy except for an awkward run in at Village Tavern like a month ago in which I plainly avoided him except for to say ‘hi’ on my way out. I texted him back Saturday, obvi, and told him word on the street was wrong, I was not at Vig Bar…but maybe I would be this weekend. Te he.

Hodgepodge

http://www.dabagirls.com/

This blog may be super old to some of you, but if you haven't seen it, take a second to judge the girls that write this blog. Or, more, the girls that comment.

On another note...

Elaine* tried to tell me that it was harder for girls to get dates during a recession because guys were depressed over the financial woes and didn't want to spend extra cash on superfluous things like dinner and a movie. (Hey, remember that TBS show "Dinner and a Movie" ? Does that still come on? I don't have cable...) I'm not so sure about this, but I lined up all the factors and here is what I cam up with:

recession = guys asking me out on less dates and less drinks bought for me at bars --> me feeling bad about myself because of less dates and less free drinks --> me being poor due to these factors --> this lack of self confidence leading to joining online dating website and stalking ex-boyfriend on facebook --> only attending functions with open bar and therefore only meeting other poor people --> planning on attending random friend of friend's party in hopes to meet someone!!

Keep you posted...

HUH?

I like to have what I call a "walking song." Its my song of the day(s) that I put on when I'm getting dressed and then I probably play it again on the subway and then maybe again walking to work. The past two days that has been "Dirty Ice Cream" by Lady Gaga. I was also playing it at the gym last night when I made intense eye contact with a serious Sean Penn look-alike on the treadmill across from me and almost ran off the side in an after effect. He was not impressed.

Anyways, I think I am continuing to listen to it because I am perplexed by the lyrics. I just found myself on the "haus of Gaga" blog trying to see if I could find something to help me decipher them, and that's when I knew I had to stop. I'm sure it means something dirty that I am just too naive to know about (like when my Dad told me to get the HPV vaccine and I said, hmm, what's HPV? awkward...). So, an excerpt of the lyrics are below. If anyone can help me out with the meaning, I would be so happy!! Oh, and as an aside, I am getting off okcupid.com. It has not only not gotten me any dates, but it has lowered my self-esteem due to the ratio of creepy to cute guys that message me.


"But we've only been on one date, baby
Yeah, I know it was fun till you start acting crazy
I don't really find it very cute or sexy
When you call or incessantly, t-t-text me

Don't be dirty ice cream, baby
We could fall in love but it's too early to be calling me like that
Stop calling, stop calling
It's not indecision, just my female intuition
Telling me you can't be calling me like that
Stop calling, stop callin"

Dirty entertainment

I hate to give you these, mainly because it makes me look horribly boring (or at least lacking in STDs...not a bad thing...), but they are so entertaining!! I promise you can't read just one...

http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2009/01/the_publicist_whose_theory_is.html

http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2009/02/the_single_brooklyn_bartender.html

Happy Belated Valentine's Day!

Happy Presidents Day week! February 17th means two glorious things for me: I had the day off yesterday and I survived Valentine's Day. Not that I was really that worried about being depressed on Valentine's Day, seeing that last year was the first year I ever had a boyfriend to celebrate the Hallmark holiday with. For me, Valentine's is more of just a general singleness-depression time. Suddenly you are surrounded by couples coming out of the woodwork; just like when it gets warm outside and you notice all the pregnant people, yuck.

Trying to avoid public places last Saturday night, I decided to babysit -- don't be jelly. When I came home, I starting eating chocolate chip cookies and dipping them in milk while watching Saturday Night Live. Seth Meyers, my future-husband, was doing Weekend Update. "Today is Valentine's Day," he announced, "and to all of you watching this at home alone, better luck next year!" (bad um ching!) I looked around. Yep, just me here on the couch. Damn you, Seth Meyers.

I'm sure everyone will be interested to know I have progressed, ever so slightly, in my online dating endeavors. That means, I took my co-worker's advice and posted a sorta slutty picture and have now received some seriously creepy messages. Go figure. Upside of the site, there is a feature called "quick match" where you can simply look at people's profiles and rate them on looks alone - 1-5 stars. Let me tell you, this judging people is super entertaining and time consuming. Long story short, I have ignored any human contact on okcupid, however I have e-judged at least 75 people. I haven't been on facebook in ages!

Update

So I have been getting some flack because I have not written anything recently. Let me tell you, (sniffle), it hurts me worse than it hurts you! Look, New York winters are brutal!!! The high here was 20 yesterday, for crying out loud??!! I mean come on. That means if any part of your body is exposed to the whipping wind and cold air, you will probably die. Or that is my translation of the weather report.

This is what New York winters make me want to do:
- stay under my covers. (forever?)
- stay in my apartment wearing matching PJ's and eating takeout Chinese and flip back and forth between Anchorman and Napoleon Dynamite on tv (oh wait...I did that last Saturday...)
- eat constantly in order to grow an extra layer of fat on my body for warmth (its science!)
- not shave my legs (umm...)

Have we seen any of these adding up to hot dates? Especially that last one there... Anyway, winters make it hard for me to get off my butt out there and be social. And lets be honest, I have to really want to take my clothes off when the low is -1 and it feels like -15.

HOWEVER...I have electronically attempted to solve this problem for myself. That's right folks, last night I signed up for FREE ONLINE DATING! Not what you were expecting? Its hard times - match.com is way too expensive. The peeps at okcupid.com are in the know. I made a profile last night (fo free!) and they sent me a confirmation email today saying:

Your personality:	really great
How bad OkCupid guys want you:	so bad
Your profile, as of 8 milliseconds ago:	a apppproved!

Who can say no to that? So, now I can sit at home when it is -200 and eat Chinese food and still meet boys! Ok, well you get my point. Wish me luck!

Its a sign

I have yet to speak with the Italian. I went out of town the weekend after I met him and then this weekend I didn't drunkenly text him (NOTE: he has not called me either. I'm blaming that on the fact that he is foreign and embarrassed by his lack of strong English skills. When I studied abroad I was always scared to call guys on the phone and speak Spanish because half of the time I didn't know what they were saying and then they clearly had no idea what I was saying. I digress). So...I have yet to speak with the Italian.

However, on a completely different note, the universe has been sending me many signs recently. One, I was walking down Avenue B three days ago and I noticed that the bar where I got drinks with the Welshman has now closed. Coincidence? I think not. Obviously our relationship was not meant to be if our first date bar cannot even sustain itself.

Two, my flight back to New York last weekend was delayed, canceled, delayed, etc... I had plenty of time to get to stare at the people on my flight (you know, do a once over of if the plane went down LOST-style who would be your Jack and Sawyer? Call me creepy, but I will be prepared). There was one family in which the dad looked literally exactly like my ex-boyfriend. And when I say exactly, I mean down to the glasses, long sleeve shirt with a t-shirt over it, Gap jeans, and ugly Merrells. I could not stop staring. Finally, I think I creeped the mom out because she thought I was staring at their two kids so I made myself switch chairs.

What was the universe trying to tell me, I wondered? This could have been your future life? You were right, Merrells really are horribly ugly shoes for guys? Or, and what I believe to be the correct answer, leave him alone so he can make a life like this on his own. Dammit, universe, I know you're right. Now I have to scratch him off my emergency "contact" list for good.

Positives of extra-curricular activities

So I signed up for these two free writing classes - part of my whole 'Get out there and do things!' in 2009. Anyway, the first one was last night. Eve* came with me and luckily it wasn't too far from my apartment because it was seriously about 9 degrees outside. The class was actually really interesting and it was only an hour long so I had plenty of time to go home and watch Law and Order: SVU with Elaine* (priorities, people). As we are walking out I notice this super cute guy with brown hair wearing an olive green pea coat. Eve and I continued up the 30 some flights of stairs to get out of the basement of the Chinatown Y (which, by the way, smells like chlorine and sweat in case you ever go there) and the mysterious guy walked out heading the same direction on Bowery as we were. Putting all my awkwardness aside, I struck up a conversation with him and it turned he had recently moved to New York from Rome, was an aspiring screenwriter but probably going to be bar tending for a while, and was moving into a place in SoHo with some other hot sounding friends. I was so baffled by how cute he was and how sexy his accent was, when he asked me for directions to the F I gave him completely wrong directions and pointed him straight toward the 6. Then I got flustered and said, um, Ok, sorry, its actually that way, good luck, bye! And ran away. Not even an attempt to give or get a number.

Getting home last night I was so mad at myself: the first cute guy you have seen in awhile and you F it up! Well done. Eve* suggested I call the writing class company back and see if they would give me his number; Andi* said should just show up to the screenwriting class the next night. I decided to ponder it at work the next day. But then today I kinda forgot, something happened, I think it involved a box of Godiva chocolates and I got distracted...

Anyway, my other class was tonight. I rode the elevator up to the 14th floor and when the doors opened it was like the whole "Touched by an Angel" - bright lights, "ahhhhh" situation: there he was, wearing his green pea coat, standing right outside the elevator. He smiled and waved hello. Once I took off my hat with 5 different holes in it, I was totally cool, calm and collected. We chatted while we waited for our respective classes to start (me, Creative Writing; him, Screenwriting). It was a little awkward because it was so so quiet and I knew everyone around us could tell we didn't really know each other and we were having a some what flirty, first conversation. Whatever. When it was time for our classes to start we both did an awkward, well, uh, so, and then he introduced himself properly and got my number! He also then called me so I have his number -- big mistake if he doesn't want drunk texts...

Moral of the story: maybe cute guys CAN emerge from the Deadzone...even without stalking them. But not often...

Love Potion

Apparently the song "Love Potion #9" was not a silly diddy, but simply a scientific hypothesis a few decades ahead of its time. Some scientists have now introduced an actual theory of love, based on a hormone oxytocin - more or less, "the love hormone." Oxytocin produces many of the effects similar to nicotine and cocaine, or what I feel as that happy, yet obsessive, nervous feeling in your stomach when you can't stop thinking about someone you like. Apparently there is a similar hormone released after sex and that gives you the urge to "nest" (I am speculating this is what makes us a little crazy the day after, even if we're really not that interested in a guy).

The good news is with the discovery of the power of the "love hormone" oxytocin, an anti-love drug may be in the works! Want to get over that ex for good? This could be your ticket. Its like "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," but with much less serious side effects.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/13/science/13tier.html?em

Its a New Year!

Happy 2009! This is going to be a GREAT year. My apologies for being a bit distant for awhile. It is because I have been very busy and important - I have been too wrapped up in my blisteringly hot social life and getting called away last minute for very important events such as the Golden Globes last night (OMG did anyone else think Drew Barrymore looked like a total tranny???).

I digress. In actuality I have been a little MIA because, well, I have been boring myself these days. Although 2009 has been a wonderful year so far for friendship, career, and all that jazz, ( oh yeah, and my birthday on January 7th! yay!) it has been a little slooooooow in the romance department. More than slow, more like my ability to do long division: non-existent. This may explain all the weird dreams I have been having. Elaine* bought a "Dream Dictionary" so I have been looking up the significance of all my dreams. Broken teeth, floods, birdhouses, cookie cake (actually that was not in the dictionary but I pretty much defined that for myself by the fact I ate an entire cookie cake on my birthday). For some reason Elaine and I have yet to determine why the significance of dreaming about sex is not in the dictionary. Definitely a pity because I really needed to look that one up. I tried to google "significance of sex dreams" at work and all the websites were blocked by IT. Dammit. Not only am I having unexplained, sexually frustrated dreams, but now I am going to get in trouble for looking up porn at work.

I explained my dry spell to a friend a few years older at work. She laughed and said it could be worse: apparently her mother told her she should adopt a child since it looked like she wasn't getting married. This same friend said she might have a cute fireman she could set me up with. Nice, I like a man in uniform.

Regardless, I am now back in the game. Something has to happen soon because I have to be honest I have given serious thought to making an "emergency" call to my ex. Its wrong, I know, I know. Looks like I will need to put in a 911 to a fireman instead!