The Jim and Pam Effect

I'm really not a proponent of s**ting where I eat.  Date a neighbor? No thanks.  Date a coworker? Even worse idea.

That said, something interesting happened at my holiday party last week...

Standing in line at the buffet table, my boss, in line behind me, started in, as usual, "Make sure you keep an eye out for any single guys.  You never know, there could be some untapped gems we don't know about."

Standing in line in front of me was Paul*, a cute guy from a different department who I'm friendly with, but also happen to know has a girlfriend.

"Wait," Paul said,  "I thought you were married...?"

"Um, no, definitely not."

"So you mean to tell me I could have been asking you out this whole time?" Paul says, with a wink.

Skkkkkeeerrdddttt [sound of car slamming on breaks].

"Um, well, ah, I mean you have a girlfriend and I'm 'married' apparently so...." I stammered, awkwardly, heaving 2 tons of corned beef on my plate just to keep busy.

"I'm seeing someone.  That's it," Paul said

What!? First, how do I give off the 'married vibe' at work? Maybe that's a good thing? Second, is he asking me out?

Paul and I ended up walking from the party to the subway together where he consequently told me he really didn't think things were going to work out with said "girlfriend" and that he would see me soon.

But what I am supposed to do with this information? Elaine* reminded me that most NYTimes wedding announcements do begin with "At the time they met, the groom was seeing someone, but quickly broke it off once he met the his now wife."

A couple facebook messages have now been traded.  I'll let you know where this goes...

A Fence, Strawberries, and a Farmer

I recently went on a doozey of a date.  A date so bad I could make you want to go ahead and buy the cats, candles, and shut the door forever.

 

The worst part was, I didn't see it coming.  This dude messaged me on OKCupid and looked like a totally normal guy.  He had a job (check!), didn't live at home (check!), and even lived in my neighborhood.  We had some witty banter back and forth and then arranged for a date the following week.

 

The hard part about dating is you usually know right off the bat once you meet someone if things are going to go well.  I would say there is a 30 second window where you are assessing the situation, and deciding if you can picture yourself kissing the person across the table from you.  When that 30 second window closes and your answer to that question is meh, or straight up no, the date can only go downhill from there.

 

On my date with Russ*, I would say I knew within about 15 seconds things were pretty meh.  Was it the fruity cocktail he slurping loudly, or his intense, glaring eye contant, I'm not sure.

About ten minutes in, Russ* had explained to me that his family was Orthodox Jewish and both of his siblings had married their significant others without ever kissing them.  I am fairly obviously not an Orthodox Jew, and knowing this was probably our only date, decided to be candid.

 

"Um, can I just ask why you aren't on JDate? I mean, why go out with me? Aren't you looking for a nice Jewish girl then?"

 

"Wellll... let's just say my parents wouldn't be thrilled if they knew I was on a date with a Protestant woman, but I like to live on the edge."

 

Right. Glad that a date with me was part of his bucket list.

 

As if that wasn't enough, Russ continued. "Can I ask you a few questions? I like to ask people questions to assess their personalities."

 

At this point, I was happy just not be discussing my Presbyterian upbringing, so I said sure.

 

"Ok, you're walking down the street, you see a fence, how tall is the fence?"

 

"I dunno, five feet?"

 

"Hmm, interesting.  Ok, you jump over the fence, there are strawberries.  How many strawberries do you pick?"

 

"I dunno, as many as I can? 10-12?"

 

"Yes...interesting.  And what do you do about the farmer that owns the land where you have picked the strawberries?"

 

"I dunno! Who the heck is this farmer? Screw him."

 

"Would you like to know what your answers mean?"

 

At this point, what could I say other than yes?

 

"Well the fence represents your goals, which are high, but within reach. The strawberries represent your sexual desires, I think 3 is about average so you're out of the ball park...  And the farmer represents your views towards society, so you obviously don't care what people think."

 

I'm pretty sure I passed this test with flying colors.  Needless to say, Russ* and I have not had a second date, but I hope he's found a nice Jewish girl to bring home to his parents.

Happy Tuesday, people.

How Dating is Like Job Searching

Look, I know I'm not the first to make this comparison.  But let's be frank, the comparisons between looking for your future soulmate and your future perfect career are uncanny.  Just the other day, I was email-networking with a long-lost friend (Heyyy! so glad to hear you are in NY! We MUST have lunch...) when I realized I wasn't sure if I was emailing her for potential job leads or potential single suitors.  I really didn't know what was the better favor was to ask of her. It is a truly gray area.

Let me list for you the top 3 reasons job searching and dating are so freakily similar:

 1. Trolling the internet for hours is good for research, but probably will not lead to your next opportunity.  Oh, you found out your old college roommate knows someone how knows someone who works for your dream company? Nice, send that email. Or equally, your friend is now friends on Facebook with a mysterious and attractive seemingly employed, not living at home, cutie? Hit her up for the intro! Buuut...You cold emailed the CEO? Sorry, most likely* not going to happen.  You facebook messaged a dude you don't know because you thought he was cute? Stalker.* (*caveat- there are cases where this has worked, and can be read about here).

2. If it seems to good to be true, it probably is.  You sent your resume and cover letter off and are being offered a job 3 days later? Smells desperate.  You haven't even met blind date and he's already bought tickets for you all to go to Coachella in 2013? No, sorry.

3.  And my favorite, the "flood the market" and "throw a bunch of stuff at the wall and see what sticks principle of economics."  If you send enough resumes, have enough coffees, Link enough people In, go on enough blind dates, create enough online dating profiles, you will end up with something.  Its science, people.

Reunited and it feels so good!!

Hi dear readers! I know it has been awhile.  An almost awkwardly too long amount of time where its really just easier to cut ties to the friendship instead of catching up on what has happened in the past three years.

But I value this friendship, so I'm not going to do that.  And since it is the Holidays, and season of cheesy Let Me Update You On My Life Letters, I thought I should join suit...


December 9, 2012

Dear Beautiful Readers,

Happy Holidays! As I sit writing this note, the snow is gently falling and the ice is melting in my 200 year old Scotch.  I hope you enjoyed the homemade picture collage of my cats included on the opposite side of this letter.

I can't believe we haven't spoken since August 2009.  So much has happened.  I still live in the same apartment, have the same job, still eat take out from Raj Mahal....hmmm.  Ok, back to that so much happening part.

I stopped writing you a few years back because I fell head over heels for a dude and stopped my First Date antics for sometime.  We've since gone our separate ways, but in the past three years I did learn a few things about relationships, life and other things:

• That a long distance relationship will make you do crazy, stupid things like open an Amtrak rewards credit card and take regular trips to a cultural desert 4 hours south of New York.
• That no matter who breaks up with whom, break-ups suck.
• That donating your ex-boyfriends t-shirts and underwear he left at your apartment to the Bowery Mission Shelter and seeing a homeless man wearing them on Rivington Street is actually much more satisfying than any homicide-suicide fantasies in your head.
• That technology has completely changed dating and I have nostalgia for the land-line days of 1997.
• That I am extremely jealous of my friends who have Richard Scarry jobs and I'm still not exactly sure what it means to be a digital strategist. 
• That bagels in New York are superior to those in all other cities [Sorry, not sorry, Montreal].

I'm really excited to be able to keep you posted with new First Date stories, and comment on the roller coast highs and lows of being a single lady in New York.  I hope you'll comment with your own stories as well, and let me know what it is like to be single in other cities.

You stay classy, Planet Earth.

Happy Holidays!!!