Who will you kiss at midnight?

I hope everyone had a Happy Hanukkah, a Merry Christmas, or cheery whatever you choice may be!

While being at home for the holidays is always relaxing, it is nice to be back in the City. And now comes the time to make New Years plans; an experience that is always stressful. All the usual questions come to mind: to pay for an all inclusive expensive party, or just go to a bar? Bar or apartment? Is it too late to make dinner reservations?? Oh the agony that is New Years. I have many friends that simply revolt and do not go out at all. I, on the other hand, secretly love New Years and the excitement that comes about with wearing something sparkly and hoping for a kiss at midnight.

I am trying to not put too much importance on this New Years' kiss, but I know, I know, 2009 is going to be a great year, so I feel like I should have a great kiss at midnight. Ideally, from a really cute guy who would want to take me to a delicious New Years Day brunch. But I will settle for a fairly attractive guy and a great kiss. Now, I will leave you with what I believe to be one of the best New York New Years kisses ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRhCTnkd3vM

Its a wonderful life...unless you're an old maid.

I saw "Its a Wonderful Life" this afternoon at IFC. The New York Times recently made a big stink about how that movie was especially poignant right now in our economic situation (I think they used the description "its a Pitiful Life" - very uplifting). Anyways, although there is a dark side of George Bailey's life in that his hopes and dreams of traveling the world are squashed by having to stick it to the Man, the last scene in the movie gets me every time; "Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."

I did happen to notice in today's showing something about the film I never picked up on before. When George is granted the ability to see what life would have been like if he had never been born, he frets over how different things are and wants to see Mary, his wife. His guardian angel, Clarence, says ok, "But you won't like it, she works at the library and is an old maid!!!" We soon see Mary, who in "real life" is beautiful, but now has been turned into a smart, but sad looking librarian. Wow. My cynical self thought, come on Frank Capra, give us single ladies a break here. But then my romantic side had the thought, is there just one person out there for all of us? What if something happens to my person? Will I end up an old maid librarian?? If I do, at least I hope I will have a nice little cap like Mary. And no cats.


here is the wonderful last scene...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0k_Vsmqf6X8&feature=related

L'Homme Fatal

http://jezebel.com/5112428/field-guide-to-guys-lhomme-fatal?skyline=true&s=x


I have been duped (and dumped) by L'Homme Fatal numerous times. My problem is I live by the credo that guys are simple creatures and only want one thing. And these Hommes Fatales always send my guy radar into haywire. They are very smart and funny (and many times wearing glasses, damn them). They do not send booty call text messages at 11 pm on a Wednesday evening, but instead would send a clever email or facebook message. By attempting to "get to know you better" through creative dates (like Scrabble or tea, as this author describes) they trick you into thinking they are actually different from that jerk frat star who you don't remember making out with in college after you drank too much PJ punch.

Its the asshole in sensitive, artsy, "different from those other guys," clothing that makes preparing yourself for heartbreak from a HF impossible. These guys always use the same excuse: its not you, its me; we are just in different places right now; I'm just focusing on so many different things right now, blah blah blah.... Actually, you are lucky to get a response from an HF at all. In my experience they are immature and are scared you will assume a long term relationship if they so much as get your number. (Note: because of this, sending sketchy facebook messages to an HF including the phrase "remember that time we made out?" is not suggested).

With all this said, it is impossible not to enjoy flirting with these HFs. And life is short. Sometimes always making smart decisions is just flat out boring. So if you see a cute, but possible HF, underneath the mistletoe at your next holiday party, don't immediately run the other way. But just don't say I didn't warn you...

The Art of Meeting Men

This video is amazing. I would say it is circa 1987 judging from the shoulder pads. Maybe in 1987 the best way to meet men was "reading a sports magazine" or "wearing a flashy piece of jewelery." I don't know. All I know for sure is, that poofy hair is hot.

The Art of Meeting Men

No judgement

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/14/fashion/14love.html?pagewanted=1&sq=modern%20love&st=cse&scp=2

Mr. Moms. I'm telling you, I could never handle it. Now that does not mean I judge people who have this type of, possibly, wonderful relationship. I just know it would never work for me. I'm not sure if I ever want to get married, but I know that I do want a relationship in which both of us share the financial responsibilities. But like I said, no judgement... Ok, lets be real. I judge as a hobby.

Dating is Dead

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/13/opinion/13blow.html?em

Charles M. Blow says that while hooking up can be satisfying for awhile, women finally come to realize that it is not a great way to go about looking for a spouse. As my friend's mother used to say, why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?

I am dismayed by Mr. Blow's attitude that dating is dead. Yes, perhaps men only ask women out for one reason in the end: to hook up. But dating still exists. Even though I easily become cynical and many times visualize myself sitting at home eating Plump Dumpling takeout for all eternity and realizing breaking up with my ex to 'meet new people' may not have been a good idea, I still try to keep the faith! So, Mr. Blow, please steer away from this negativity and your focus on lack of self-confidence in girls. The dating world is hard enough.

My picks: Best of Craigslist missed connections

Today's picks:


Yikes

Hugs

And one of my favorites, a back and forth exchange between w4m and m4m both 26 beginning with:

Question - w4m - 26

Would you please explain to me what is going on between us?

Re: Question
I don't even know where to start.

re: re:

Start anywhere.

re: re: re:
I think about you constantly but one of us isn't single.

And now, the best, a random stranger:
Re: Question
1) What's the nearest park to your job?
2) Do you both live in the same borough?
3) Why not try anyway?

Here, Here!

Weekend recap

10 + guys lost to the Deadzone
2 new pseudo crushes (including one married man I just encountered a the coffee shop)
5 s'mores consumed at new favorite bar Camp on Smith Street in Brooklyn
1 ex-makeout partner stalked on facebook
1 call and hang up before he answered to ex-boyfriend from office phone on Friday (It's unlisted; boredom is dangerous).
0 texts from any suitors

I made a decision this weekend that if a guy has a beard, even just a 3 day scruff, I am automatically attracted to him. Throw on a pair of glasses and he just moved up to, "I will consider making out with you even if you tell me you want to be a stay at home Dad." My sister told me that I might like guys with glasses because they are less intimidating. I'm not sure what that says about me. But I will say one thing: I hate the cold weather, but it does bring out the beards!

Throwback

I am totally bringing back the word "suitor." How awesome is that word?? Why does no one use it anymore? It is classy. It encompasses everything you want to say about "that guy I have been on a few dates with but I'm not really sure what is going on." It makes even the most sleazy guy sound a bit like Frank Sinatra.

This all came about because I was reading an old New Yorker article from 1931 called "Prosit New Years." The premise is a girl frets that she is going to spend New Years alone when suddenly an old suitor called whom she "parted from without regret last October." They end up going out, and well, I don't want to ruin it for you. Bottom line, I'm crossing my fingers at least one of my suitors calls this weekend.

"Prosit New Year"

We're in this together

Its always nice to feel solidarity with my fellow New Yorkers, no matter how strange or crazy these people may be.

This morning on the 6 on the way to work I had the pleasure of realizing I am not alone in my dating dramas. I was sitting, listening to my Happy Holidays playlist, and reading AM when a woman sat down next to me and pulled out a large file folder. She was dressed in professional clothing, but had an air of "I'm a little kooky and probably burn incense on a regular basis" look about her. Always being one to get in other people's business, I peered over her shoulder into the file folder, expecting to see resumes, work documents, etc... Instead, she was shuffling through numerous match.com profile print outs, all covered in handwritten notes. The only notes I could read clearly were on the picture of a middle aged, slightly balding man. They said said: "Two kids, Bushwick, good soul." She got off at 28th Street before I could read more. Although my cynical self wanted to laugh, I thought, you go girl, good luck with that date. And then I secretly prayed that would never be me.

At 33rd Street a tall, lanky man with Harry Potter glasses sat down next to me and was furiously scribbling away on a yellow steno pad. Again, I peered over his shoulder. "Brunch was kaput. I realized we had been set up. Dad sat across from us smiling, but she was horrible. Bad date." This is amazing I thought - I am living vicariously through two different people's dating lives in one subway ride! I surreptitiously peered again. "Went to the zoo with Dad. Never letting him set me up on anymore dates." Ok, this guy seriously needs to get on match.com. I was so enthralled with this man's private scribbling I almost missed my stop and my purse got caught in the subway door when I was running out. But it was totally worth it.

The 6th Sense Hypothesis

I have created a dating hypothesis. Guys are equipped with a 6th sense that we ladies unfortunately do not have, or simply have not perfected. Here is how I believe it works: you meet a guy, you hit it off, he gets your number (or promises to facebook you - yuck), you part ways excited about the possibility of seeing him again. Then, four days go by without a call. A week passes, and you write him off as a dating mirage. To prove you don't care that hes "just not that into you," you and some friends hit the town. You meet a new guy. You hit it off. And just as you are having a great conversation with the new guy, BAM! (Emril style) - you receive a phone call, text message, facebook message (gross), or accidental run in from the no-call guy. It is the 6th sense that has caused this. No-call guy was holding back, making you sweat it out, until his 6th sense told him you were showing interest in a new guy and his chances with you had diminished. Now you are obviously confused. Do you text back now? Wait a day and play it cool? What is the protocol?? Perhaps this 6th sense allows guys to not overthink everything - not break rule #2. Very important...

I have created this hypothesis through experience. I was duped by the 6th sense again last night. Vig Bar guy (the one I met with Scarlett* and then saw again 2 weeks ago) had become a no-call guy. He promised to call this week. Thursday rolled around and still no call. I figured I could right him off - Deadzone material. So to shake it off (and because in this case there was an open bar involved) I went out with Eve* last night. Her swanky West Village gym was having a holiday party with a DJ and open bar - only in the West Village would this occur. My gym barely has AC in the summer. We met up with one of her friends who was with his roommate and another friend. The other friend happened to be slightly nerdy and wearing glasses - my weakness. We started chatting and just as we were really hitting it off and sharing our mutual desire to open a Pinkberry franchise, I felt my phone vibrate. When the Pinkberry guy went to the bathroom I checked my phone - text from Vig Bar guy, clearly. "Hey, how are you? Are you out tonight? How was your thanksgiving?" Uhhhhhhhhhhh. Seriously?

Facebook photos speak 1,000 words

I just looked at my work crush's wedding photos on facebook. Eek! My friend at work, the one and only co-worker who is privy to my crush, recently became friends with him on facebook. She was facebook stalking last night and noticed his wedding photos were posted - I don't think it was actually he that posted them which is good because that annoys me. No offense... So we looked at them this afternoon while listening to the Mariah Carey Christmas CD (yesss).

There he was in his tux, still wearing his cute little glasses and sporting a scruffy beard. And then I saw his fiancee, or wife. Whatever, wife, shmife. I was dismayed to see a) she actually existed b) she was not a complete troll and c) he looked like he might...love her? I mean, where was the picture in which he mouthed, "I really love you, wait for me, this is all a hoax," to me? Perhaps they just didn't tag that one...

Now that he is married, is he going to email and phone flirt with me like in the good ole days (3 weeks ago)? I have been slightly bored without any work emails or calls to look forward to - the female temp in his place just isn't as much fun to call for no reason. I think I will find a veiled, but seemingly, important reason to call him tomorrow and see what kind of response I get. Stay tuned for my desperate calls to a married man!!

Terms/Phrases Section

I have added a new section to FirstDate - the Encyclopedia of Terms and Phrases. This is where I will define any amusing dating terms or phrases I commonly use, or have recently discovered in my dating experiences. I would love to have your input; Elaine* has already contriubted "Lets Get Out of Here." After having a guy use this phrase on her, she learned from experience that it did NOT mean, 'lets go get some ice cream.' Please add your comments so I can add your terms and phrases!