A Venezuelan, A Nerd and A Jew

This past Tuesday I somehow ended up at a socialista/upper east sider owned magazine party. The invite came from the magazine's owner who I had been working with on an upcoming work event. I asked him if I could bring a "colleague" from the office and in turn dragged my delighted co-worked along. My boss was so excited I was going ("You could really meet someone special at an event like this -- no more internet boys!") that she loaned me all the David Yurman jewelry she had on and told me to go put on some makeup because I looked tired. My co-worker and I headed to the party at 6:20 (fashionable late, of course). After one cocktail (love an open bar, grey goose and soda for free ninety-nine), I started skimming the room for men under 40. "See that cute guy," I asked my co-worker, "the foreign looking one?" She nodded, "I think I heard them speaking French," she said. With this I dragged her to the bar where they were standing: a group of men that were attractive, possibly French, in a sea of mostly socialites, 40s and married, or plastic-surgeried ladies were definitely worth pursuing. Once I had sidled up close enough to slyly listen to their sexy foreign conversation, it turned out they were speaking Spanish! Although I don't speak French, I hablo flirting en espanol enough to make things interesting (what do you think studying abroad is all about? experiencing the "culture"). Learning from experience that my wink is not my best option, I went with the eyebrow raise. Well ladies and gents, that is my new trademark! I got an immediate handshake and a, "Hello, I am Miguel*. This is my friend David*." Well hola Miguel! I introduced myself and my co-worker and exchanged pleasantries which is how I found out he was from Venezuela (oh la la). "Where are you from in Venezuela," I asked Miguel in Spanish. My co-worker rolled her eyes and stood looking annoyed at Miguel's amigo David who was less interesting and attractive. "Soy de Caracas," Miguel answered, "y ahora vamos hablar en espanol." I learned that although Miguel spoke perfect English, he wanted to speak Spanish with me, and even better would love to help me practice my Spanish. At this point my co-worker walked away to send text messages on her i-phone and continue drinking heavily. After hablando en espanol for a bit and him learning where I lived (neighborhood, not exact apartment number), he told me there was a great Venezuelan restaurant near me on East 7th Street and he would love to take me this weekend! Dios mio! Then he got my number and gave me his card and gave me the two besos on the cheek! I was floating -- a lovely South American, how dreamy. But then later, in the cab at 8 pm on the way to Elaine's* birthday dinner at Rissotteria, I reflected on my time spent in South America. How many men had I met and made plans with only to have them turn out to be super flighty, or simply never call at at all? They did not have the best track record. I would give this Venezuelan the benefit of the doubt, but as of now he was penciled in for Saturday, lightly.

Today I decided there is definitely a 5% chance my nerdy work crush has a crush on me too. He sent me an email today and included at the end "thanks for returning my tape." See?? L.O.V.E. Oh, and of course as fate would have it, this afternoon while I was pining away for him, this other guy at work asked me out! I don't really know him -- he works in IT which is on the other floor. I was returning a wireless internet card to him when the awkward interaction occurred. "So, what do you do on Tuesday nights?" he asked. Cue me making an awkward, "uhh, well, emmm...I've been really busy with work events..."
"I wanted to ask because I go to Temple in the East Village. People go and just really chill out and then there is a delicious feast after. I'll send you an email about it."
"Um, thanks!" Has there been some miscommunication? Mazel Tov, but thats not really my scene dude.

Mis-Connect with Caution

This chart shows the most common locations in the city where Craig's List "Missed Connections" occurred Sept 25-29 (according to Gawker.com, that is). It appears that I am not the only one that falls in love on the subway -- it won the Missed Connection locations with a whopping 35%! Take note that hyponisis shows had a 0.3% -- that is better than 0% which is what I got in Chicago this past weekend. That city is too clean. I digress. I have yet to post a missed connection on Craig's List, but perhaps it is my next step for subway love... I put the corresponding subway chart here too so you can make sure you are riding the right lines, yeah baby!

I think You're Shady.

So the big date was last night. As I shared from my gchat conversation with Lawyer from Long Island, we were schedule to meet at around 5:45-6 pm at Stanton Social for drinks. I get off work around 5 pm so it couldn't be any early, and I had a birthday dinner at 8 so it couldn't be any later.

Although I was still very skeptical about the whole date, I was excited. Regardless, I would be getting a free drink at Stanton Social (their cocktails are $13!!). I rushed to leave work right at five, my boss telling me for the last time she wouldn't be able to say 'I told you not to meet boys online' when I was announced dead in the Post the next morning, and made it home in pretty good time. I was walking out of the door on my way to Stanton Social by 5:50. Not bad for making it home in rush hour and changing for a date, in my books. I was walking (its about 7 minutes from my apt) when I received the Lawyer's first text, "Whats ur story?" I text back immediately, "I'm on my way. Sorry -- I completely forgot I had your number, (from when he called me during our gchat, remember??) I'll be there in 5." I get no response. I arrive at Stanton Social -- he is nowhere to be found. Not at the bar, in the restaurant, outside, anywhere. I call, text, I stand outside...alone...until I finally go back to the bar, order a $13 Basil-Lime Gimlet and wait. He texts me at 6:20 to say he left and is back in Brooklyn. I am confused, I say (all of this via text). He then proceeds to say he had been waiting outside the bar for 40 minutes before he texted me at 5:58 and I never called to say I would be late. Once again I am confused. Were we not supposed to meet at 5:45-6? Why were you waiting for 40 minutes? Didn't you get my text to say I was on the way? Couldn't you have waited 10 more minutes? He texts back and tells me that he left when I was late and didn't call and to be honest I have been less than forthright (nice lawyer talk there) and that he thinks I'm shady!!! I furiously text back that I think he is an asshole and we should just call it a night. He said good, I'm back home and definitely not coming back out to you. OH SNAP! Had to get that last zing in there didn't you, buddy.

Luckily, I have great friends and after he told me he was "definitely not coming back out to [me]," I emergency texted Elaine* and she came and met me so I would not look like someone who had been stood up on a date. I did bribe her with a $13 cocktail... Anyway, we started talking about how technology has totally changed, and has the potential to ruin, dating as we know it. You are expected to be available and ready to communicate 24/7; when I was not answering my gchat messages, the Lawyer called my cell phone! Who says we want to be that available? In the days of landlines only there was none of this texting "whats ur story?" -- you just waited until the person came or didn't. (thats what she said?) Its not even just dating we are talking about, but simply social skills as we know it. I do want to pose a question: do you think that breaking up with a person via text or email still makes one a horrible person? Much more to come on this subject...

Unrequited, unreal, or just umm...

8:50 am Arrive at work. Check email and find two from my pseudo crush at work. Fantasize that he is emailing to inform me that he has been in love with me since the first time we locked eyes in March.
8:54 am Realize both emails are about work. Drown my sorrows in a bowl of fiber one cereal.
9:30 Show co-workers gchat conversation with Lawyer from Long Island. They tell me I am paranoid and because the conversation did not include the words "knife," "dark alley," or "I am going to kill you," I have nothing to worry about. Hhmmph.
10:17 am Oh.my.gosh. my pseudo crush is right by my desk. I panic and instead of saying some cute and clever I say, “Hi, uh how are you? don’t you think it kinda smells like beer in here?” Whaaaaaaaaaat?? He attempts a reply and walks away.
10:24 am Feel nauseated and have realization I may end up an incense burning spinster with cats. And I hate cats.
12:11 pm I saw David Blaine NOT hanging up side down. Faker.
1:15 pm Go to deli/market for lunch. Consider the fact the sandwich man might be a 6 out of 10 instead of a 4. Realize I am wearing my "single goggles;" do those exist?
3:47 pm My co-worker reads me my horoscope for today: "You will encounter a strange man." I wish I was kidding.

Scategories

1. Gchatting ensues
A. before a date
B. during a date (on your blackberry)
C. after a date

Today the answer was A., when Lawyer from Long Island and I gchatted for the first time.

2. The internet makes people
A. be extremely polite and shy away from inappropriate comments
B. say things they most likely would not in person
C. say things that make their desirability as a blind date plummet to near negative proportion

The correct answer for my situation would be C., when Lawyer from Long Island (LLI) attempted to amaze me with his dazzling wit, and instead instilled in me the idea that he could quite possibly be certifiably crazy.

3. When gchatting with a girl with whom you have a blind date the next day it is smart to say:
A. "Gee wiz, I can't wait til our date tomorrow night. I'm going to take you out and really treat you like a lady."
B. "You want a total package appeal? In that case, to save you the trouble, I'll let you know I have a very good package. No need to stress about that."
C. "I should be seeing your apartment after a conversation like this."

If you answered B and C, you apparently play by the same dating rules as LLI.

He then asks me "so, anything I should know...what are you thinking :)" (I hate smiley faces). Elaine* says, "this is code speak for, 'do you enjoy random sex?'" I tell him I will let him know what I am thinking tomorrow, once I make my own judgment -- "I judge as a hobby," I say. "Wow, you don't get out much, eh? :) What will the categories be?" he asks. The sticky rotten sweetness of attempted flirting gone bad is seeping through my computer screen, making me nauseous. I don't get out much!!! I want to scream. You put an add on Craig's List!!!

Tomorrow will be interesting. If he shows...

Love in the Club (or the subway?)

http://www.subwaycrush.com/

Can you successfully meet people on the subway? Everyone is trying -- clue subwaycrush.com. I'm a creepy people watcher, so I usually lock eyes numerous times in one train ride. My friend's mom who lived in NYC in the 70's and 80's told me she locked eyes with a cute guy on the train once, he got off at her stop, asked her out and they dated for two months. Hmmmmm, the only people that follow me off the train are the crazy mariachi band players asking for money. How can I remedy this problem? For awhile I considered handing out my business cards, just to see the response. My friend recently was seated next to the man she was certain was her future husband (this happens to me 2 of 5 commutes a week) and was working up the courage to ask to borrow a section of his New York Times when she decided it was just too awkward, its the subway after all. Is subway love possible?

Side note: Numerous emails and facebook messages from craig's list Lawyer from Long Island. It appears he has seen the error of his game playing ways. I agree to meet him for early drinks Wednesday night. Andi's* bday dinner is at 8 so we will do early drinks. And that means I can cut out super early if he is horrid.

Just don't do it

I decided to stalk my ex-boyfriend on facebook. To my credit, I have not attempted to see him, call him, or even look at his facebook profile for 2 months -- I have been very self-disciplined. Yet in a moment of weakness, I did some stalking. Although no information on the profile had changed, a handful of pictures had been updated, and a group had been added. He was seated next to the same girl, who I did not know, in at least 3 photos. Who is this girl, I must know!! I then checked the updated group. It was a group dedicated to...the mystery girl's baby clothing store! How dare he try and get a new relationship before me!! is all I can think. Yes, I know you are thinking, hey, didn't you just start a blog dedicated to dating? Regardless, this is not allowed. I now try to convince Elaine*, who is a fashion design student at Parson's, to email this mystery girl and pretend to be interested in baby clothes. "After you feign interest, then maybe you could ask, so would you have time to talk with me about this? I mean, I don't want to get in the way of your social life. Are you seeing anyone? Tall, wears glasses, lives in Park Slope?" She tells me I am crazy. I thought I was creative. Damn the internet.