Sunday, October 19, 2008

Spotted: Scarlett in the City

My best friend from high school, Scarlett*, came to visit this weekend. We had an action packed itinerary ("my number one priority being going to Canal Street for a fake purse," Scarlett had told me). "If I am going to Canal Street tomorrow morning to help you support child labor I better have lots of coffee" Elaine* said to her Friday. We made plans to get up at 10 am Saturday to start our busy day of shopping, eating and frolicking in Central Park.

"Scarlett, if we are going to be busy tomorrow we can't get too crazy tonight," I told her over dinner at EU on Friday. "We can meet up with people for drinks and come in at one-ish, cool?"

"Yeah, whatever is cool," she shrugged.

"Ok, good," I sighed. I felt myself sounding like a grandma, but I had worked late the night before was Friday, I tried to rationalize. I should learn that each time I have uttered the words, "Ok, I'm not going to get too crazy tonight," the opposite happens. This past Friday was no different.

Elaine had to stay in to work on sketches, so Scarlett and I headed out and met up with my friend Eve* and some other girls at Lit in the East Village and then headed to SoHo. We went to a few places and ended up at Vig Bar, Eve's choice because of its great top 40 music and accordingly to her, cute boys. We arrived to find a line. Let me say, without sounding like an asshole, I hate waiting in line. I just never feel like a place can be cool enough that is worth waiting the cold. "Ummm, so about this line," I whined, looking around at everyone. I looked Scarlett and she also looked less than pleased. "Ok, I could go either way right now," she said, "I could go home and get a good night sleep, or we could just wait and give it a shot for a little while."

"Uhhhhh, fine. Lets wait in line," I said.

Luckily, the extremely large and unnecessarily scary bouncers let us in about 2 minutes later. While I had been in line complaining, Eve had been chatting with a fratty looking guy through the window. Once we got inside, I headed to the bar and Eve and Scarlett went to talk to the mystery man. Drink in hand, I went to meet them. "This is Chris*," Scarlett said. He smiled and we all stood chatting. It turned out he is friends from home with one of my friends from college. Also, over 5'10'' and brunette, I noted.

Long story short, we started flirting, Chris Brown started playing, and dancing ensued. At this point Scarlett was having a very aggressive conversation with Chris's friend, to the point that I thought she was having a bad time and I felt guilty that I wasn't being a better hostess. "So I feel like a douche bag using this line," he said, "but I live really close by and we could all go there and drink beer for free."

"Uh, ok. Let me grab Scarlett."

We walked up to Scarlett and Chris's friend and let them know the party was moving locations. "High five!" Scarlett said. "Low five?" Chris attempted. "Uh, RUDE," Scarlett said. Hmm, awkward.

We walked out and headed down Spring toward Lafayette, me still feeling guilty about dragging Scarlett to late night because I could tell she was not into Chris's friend. "Here, take my jacket, you look freezing," Chris said to Scarlett, who was only wearing a sleeveless dress and pashmina. He was not the first one to ask if she had lost her coat that night — the bouncer at one bar we went to let us in because he thought for sure he had left her coat inside. We finally got to Chris's apartment and immediately start playing Chris Brown "Forever" again. "So, who wants go sit outside on the back patio," Chris said, giving me a wink (trouble). "You," Scarlett yelled at me, "GO. I'm not moving."

"Uh, so it looks like she is staying here," I said, looking at Scarlett who was still having an aggressive conversation with Chris's friend about the use of the word ya'll. Chris and I went and sat out on his sweet back patio. "This is nice...," I said, attempting to sound sexy and coy, but actually coming off just plain awkward. "Yeah," he awkwardly replied. And then maybe we did some middle school style making out! That was until I was about to pee in my pants and absolutely had to go inside to the bathroom — we found Scarlett and his friend still talking. "So you're pretty crazy while in this state," I heard Chris's friend say while I was just sitting down on the couch next to Chris. "WHAT? What did you say?" Scarlett yelled, obviously misunderstanding anything he was trying to say. "Thats it — I'm out of here!" Throwing off Chris's jacket, Scarlett grabbed her clutch, turned on the heel of her Ugg boot, and sprinted out the door. "So...your friend is a bit of an irrational drunk I'd say," Chris whispered as the door slammed. "Yeah...she does this from time to time," I tried to explain. "I'd better go find her." Knowing the level of Scarlett's drunkenness and the fact she had no idea where the hell she was, I quickly grabbed my things and started to walk out. Chris walked me to the door. Not seeing Scarlett in the hallway or at the bottom of the stairs he said, "So yeah, you better go find her." Ok buddy, I thought — get my number, come on. "We're both friends with Mary* (our mutual friend) on facebook, don't worry, I'll find you," he said with a wink, a kiss, and then a goodnight. Find me on facebook, I thought as I ran down the stairs to find Scarlett, is that what we're doing now??? I walked out the door and looked down Lafayette both ways — no Scarlett. Damnit, I thought, shes run away. Suddenly I saw her little face peer around the corner of Spring Street and give me a big wave. F-ing A. "What the hell Scarlett!," I yelled,"come on, we're going home," and flagged a cab.

In the cab home, Scarlett attempted a deep conversation. "I really like his friend. Do you remember his name? Oh my gosh I have no idea what his name is. But I really like him. What is his name? We really hit it off. I can't believe we didn't make out. He was so cute. I really like him."

"Excuse me?" I squeaked, "You were arguing with him all night. I felt bad because I thought you were having a bad time. You liked him??"

"Oh my gosh I really like him. When we get home I have to find him on facebook."

What is with people and facebook tonight? I thought. Why not just get the phone number?? After grabbing pizza at the 24 hour place a block from my house and witnessing Scarlett almost get in a fight with two of the regulars, we walked in my door at 4:30 am. "Damn, I'm tired. I am going to bed," I yawned, eating the last bite of pizza and feeling like I might vom. "NO - first we have to find my guy on facebook," she said opening my laptop. To make a long story short, we ending up finding Chris on facebook, Scarlett friended him, she searched his friends and then friended 3 possible guys who could be her true love. "Ok, bedtime," I said.

Last night, in the clarity Sunday brings after a world wind weekend, I realized what a mistake the 5 am friending may have been. I called Scarlett who was back in Atlanta to scold her — "No, its all good" she said. "He will laugh, no worries! Then it will give him an excuse to friend you!"

I told Elaine* about the situation. "Ehhh, yeah, she blew it for you," she said with a wince. "This was probably what happened: he woke up Saturday at noon, got on facebook, saw a friend request from Scarlett Jones*, thought "who is Scarlett...ohhh," then he thought "whoa they friended me last night at 5 am... (because you know he knows it wasn't just Scarlett) thats kind of weird," and now he is freaked out. Well done."

"Damnit! Our only communication was to be through facebook and now drunken facebooking has ruined a non-existent facebook relationship."

"Well, if he doesn't facebook you this week I think it would be acceptable to facebook him next week and explain the situation," Elaine said.

I realized that facebook is now so crucial to dating (damn technology and its power to change the world) that a test should be installed in order to make sure you are in a sound state of mind before friending or messaging a person. That one friend request might make the difference! Oh wait, gmail already created that capability. Mark Zuckerberg, you are totally behind the times.


Emily said...


Barbara said...

Scarlett strikes again...

Scarlett said...

it's better this way, Chris* is not that cute in his facebook photos... but since you blame me for his loss, I will make sure you meet the love of your life next time Scarlett strikes (don't be jealous barbara)